Sunday, December 14, 2008

To J, with love.

Not to be outdone by you, I too decided to write you a farewell post in case I should die tomorrow during my surgery.

First I want to say that you are the closest thing to a sister I have ever had, only I think our bond is even more special because we chose each other. We don't always make sense and people think we are loony sometimes but I wouldn't have it any other way, we are special (yes, I mean the short bus kind of special).

There are a few other things I want to make sure you know if I should leave this world tomorrow.

1) Make sure Luis doesn't marry a skank, I know he'll remarry, he can't take care of himself. Just make sure she isn't some syphilis-carrying whore from the trailer park, and please make sure she has all her teeth.

2) Make sure Sophia gets on birth control and please have "the birds and the bees talk" with her, I wouldn't want that coming from Luis, he would be too embarrassed.

3) I want you to have my purses, I know you can appreciate them now, you came full circle, I'm so proud! I would give you my shoes too but that would be weird since we don't wear the same size.

4) Make sure Luis takes Pucca to the groomer at least once a month and gets bows put in her hair, she's a princess and she should look like one.

5) Make sure he bathes Susie and Dollar, I don't think he ever has and I'm not sure that he doesn't think they just clean themselves.

6) You and Luis fight my mom on this: I DO NOT WANT A FUNERAL! I think they are depressing and a waste of money, oh and I want my whole body donated, to a body farm if no one else wants it (Luis can have my eyes if he wants, don't ask, it's a long story).

7) Luis will be totally lost without me, give him a blowjob to cheer him up, please.

8) Don't worry, I'm not going to die tomorrow.

5 comments:

J said...

You are such a dork, but I love you, too.


PS. I'm not giving your husband a blowjob no matter what. I love you and him and I can't wait until he comes home, but I'm not pleasuring him.

Tara R. said...

I'm saying a little prayer for you tomorrow. You'll do great!

eternallyhuckdoll said...

Lol...that was kinda sweet. You gals are such besties, it's great to see :) I have no idea what you're going in for but I wish you the best and hope it's not too serious.

Jennifer said...

:) i'm glad you lightened it up... after the first thing on your list... i was getting choked up. but i know that is your way of showing your love to your best girl. isn't it great to have a bff?

i'm sure you are out of surgery already and doing great!! :)

smile THIS is your first day of the rest of your life!! i'm happy for you... and excited for you too!!

xoxoxoxoxox

I am Trish Marie said...

J,
She just said give him a blowjob...not you personally kneel down. Perhaps you could purchase one for him?