I've been really depressed the past 6 weeks or so, like seriously depressed. Some days I don't get dressed, I don't put on make up or do my hair, sometimes I even go several days between showers. I park my ass in front of the TV and just watch whatever is on, I haven't been cooking, my kids have been eating a lot of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and mac and cheese. I've pretty much turned into a shitty mom and a shitty wife. I don't want to do anything or go anywhere, I just want to sit and wallow in my own misery.
My husband is a big fan of tough love and he's been working on me getting out of my slump for awhile now, trying to get me to go to the doctor, meet some new friends, join a yoga class, anything but I wouldn't bite. I've been too depressed to show any kind of initiative.
The truth of it is that I am miserable here, there is nothing to do, I have no friends and I just want to move back to Texas...or anywhere that is not here. The problem is that we are stuck here for at least another year, maybe longer because Luis has a profile from the cancer. I can't be like this for another year, my kids and my husband deserve better than that so I guess I finally decided to get out of my slump.
Yesterday I applied to the university here in town and I finally feel excited about something. I thought back to January of 2007 when J and I applied to go to college at Fort Hood and I felt like it was going to take me forever to get my degree, I thought it would take me 10 years to get my bachelors degree but here I am, two years later, and halfway there. They have an art program at this school and besides one class, all I have left is art classes. I can spend the next 2 years doing art, something I really love, AND I can get my degree, I am beyond excited.
When I dropped out of college and got married when I was 20 I know my parents probably gave up on me ever graduating from college but I will be so proud of myself when I get my degree and I know they will be ecstatic too. I'm just happy that going to school still makes me happy.