The Way We Were

Sometimes I like to look back, sometimes I NEED to look back, it's the only way to see how far I've come.

Sometimes I look back because I miss parts of me, I miss the carefree parts; back when I had no responsibilities, I had no idea what stress really was. My hard days were days that I had a big test or when someone broke up with me. I thought it was the end of the world but I had no idea. Sometimes I wish life could be that simple again.

I just keep thinking if life just gets harder I'm not sure I want to know what's in store for me. I think the only consolation is that although the hurt gets worse, the joy gets better.

Hard Times

Lately, my luck has been less than stellar, much, much less. At times like these I can't help but reflect on what I've done in my life to deserve it. One of the great things that comes with being raised Catholic is even when you renounce your faith, the guilt continues. Catholics very much believe in "an eye for an eye" and "what goes around, comes around." So of course, as a Catholic, when anything bad happens you feel you "deserved" it.

I try to lead a good life, I try to treat people the way I would like to be treated. Lately, I've even tried putting myself in other's shoes before I judge them or their actions. I'm trying to be more forgiving and thoughtful. I try to give more of myself, my time as well as what I have to offer. I'm trying really hard to be a better person.

When things happen like what has happened over the last 2 weeks in my house, I can't help but think, 'I'm not doing good enough.' I feel like I'm being punished for bad things I've done, I know that sounds ridiculous, if someone told me that I would tell them they are crazy, bad stuff happens sometimes, that's life. But I can't seem to shake the guilt, like I need to make amends and this is my penance.

I hope that renewing my vow to be a better person is enough to change my luck because all this bad crap is getting kind of old.

Three

Yesterday wasn't our best Thanksgiving ever, I spent a lot of the day still worrying about Susie, how she was doing? If she was in pain? Would she make a full recovery? These things were all heavy on my mind.

Having Susie to worry about has really made my recovery pretty easy, I'm too preoccupied with other things to worry about myself. I did a light run the other day and had no pain at all, I guess I'm fine now. I still cramp occasionally but it's minimal so it doesn't really bother me.

With things starting to look up my daughter decided to fall at the playground yesterday and put her teeth through her bottom lip. So, we spent a few hours at the ER, luckily they opted to use Dermabond to close it up instead of having to stitch it. Luis was freaking out about a scar but it looked a lot better after they glued it up and she should outgrow the scar with no problems.

I'd really like to catch a break but I have feeling things are just going to keep on coming.

Don't Jinx It!

So, I'm not posting about Susie right now because I don't want to jinx anything, I will say she okay at this point. She did not have pancreatitis like they thought and I will leave it at that until she's better.

I've been staying pretty busy today, trying to keep my mind off of Susie. I have this really great thing I do when I'm worried, I clean everything in sight.

Things I've done today:

1. Pulled everything off the kitchen counters and cleaned them.
2. Cleaned all the nooks and crannies on my kitchen aid mixer.
3. Changed everyone's sheets and washed and folded the dirty ones.
4. Moved all the furniture around and vacuumed under everything.
5. Washed every dish and article of clothing in our house.
6. Mopped the floors.
7. Baked homemade pumpkin bread.
8. Cleaned all the bathrooms.
9. Drank 12 cups of coffee.
10. Picked up every rock I could find in my backyard.

So, pretty eventful day.

Another Vet Appointment

Last night was not a good night in our house. Susie hasn't eaten since Friday and on Saturday she stopped drinking. Much of yesterday was spent forcing sugar water down her throat, something she was very unhappy about.

When a dog stops eating and drinking and starts hiding under beds it's not a good sign. Last night I started losing hope. I called J in tears and told her not to expect Susie to pull through, she was showing signs of death and we needed to prepare for the worst.

I cried myself to sleep last night, Susie is the best dog! I know you're probably thinking that your dog is the best but you're wrong, Susie is THE BEST!!! She WAS the worst, and I thought about that last night, how she was an awful puppy and it brought a smile to my face. She chewed a hole in the middle of our wall one day, who does that? How do you decide one day to pick a spot in the middle of a WALL and just start chewing? She was crazy. She ate everything, shoes, toys, phones, pencils...crayons were her favorite.

These are the things I was thinking of last night and around 10:30 pm I sat up in bed and saw Susie standing in the hallway staring at me. I got up to give her some loving and she just leaned into me and snuggled my arm and I prayed that tomorrow would bring a miracle because I just can't imagine life without her.

This morning we made it into the vet and I was fully prepared for the worst, I knew we couldn't afford to spend hundreds of dollars on more tests to figure out what was wrong with her and then hundreds more to treat her. Luis and I decided we could afford another hundred or so and that was it. Since she still wasn't any better we knew that the possible pesticides on the grass wasn't the problem. Luckily, this time she was running a fever and that made it easier to diagnose her since we were able to rule out poisoning.

She got 4 shots today and was diagnosed with pancreatitus (I have no idea how to spell that), something that was discussed as a possibility earlier but she didn't have all the symptoms and so poisoning seemed more likely. When we got home she immediately drank some water and we're keeping our fingers crossed that she'll want to eat tonight. We have a follow up appointment in the morning to make sure we got it right this time and adjust any meds if need be.

We're not sure about the diagnosis at this point but we're hopeful. She seems to be doing better already and the fact that she's not hiding under a bed anymore makes me feel like she's going to make it.

That doesn't look like a sick dog to me.

Susie Darlin'

I really hope this crazy girl gets better soon because I'd pretty much be a wreck without her. She's still not doing so well so thoughts and prayers would be appreciated.

A Series of Unfortunate Events

Yesterday I went to the hospital for my uterine ablation, things did not go as planned. It was a disastrous day to say the least.

When I woke up in recovery everything seemed fine, I wasn't in a lot of pain but then the nurse made sure to let me know like 50 times that I needed to talk to the doctor before I could leave. She just said something didn't go according to plan and he needed to talk to me about it.

Come to find out the device that does the ablation wouldn't work in my uterus and when they were trying to get it to work they ended up accidentally puncturing my uterus. They did tie my tubes which was kind of pointless because now I'm going to have to go back in January and have a hysterectomy.

As if that wasn't annoying enough, when we got home Susie had thrown up all over the house, like 8 piles of puke, it was awful. We had to go out and rent a carpet cleaner at 8 o'clock last night. Susie ate her dinner and everything seemed fine, we just thought she had an upset tummy.

This morning the kids were woken up by Susie puking in their rooms again, it was just water this time. She kept throwing up water and wasn't eating her food which is really strange for a lab so I took her into the vet right away.

We think she had toxins in her system because she eats grass and earlier this week the pest control people came out and sprayed. The spray was supposed to be animal friendly but it's still not supposed to be ingested.

So, now Susie is at the vet getting fluids, I got to clean the carpets again and I'm in desperate need of a nap. So much for taking it easy.

My Current Obsession

This is my new favorite group, Owl City. I am totally in love with this album, you might have heard their song Fireflies, it's totally rad and made me get the album on itunes. My favorite song on the whole album is Hello Seattle.

Listen to this, you can thank me later. It starts out kind of slow but it starts to get amazing around 1:25, this is the remix (it's my fave version).





Also, if you want to check out pics from my race on Saturday you can see them here.

The Elephant is Gone

For awhile here there has been an elephant in the room, a few people asked me about it but for the most part someone, a big part of my blog, just disappeared and neither of us addressed it publicly. It's been months, like 8, and now it's just normal for her not to be here.

Some of you may remember my best friend, J?

Well, in the interest of protecting both of our privacy I will keep it brief, we got into an epic fight, didn't speak at all for 4 months, spoke a little for 2 months and for the past month have finally made things right again. Things are not the same, not at all, but that is a good thing. We missed each other, we're good now and we're just really happy to be back in each other's lives.

So there, the elephant has left the room.

She's still my bestie so I might reference her on here, especially with Christmas coming up and us going out to see her and the family in Colorado (yay!!!!). I don't want things to be weird or have to field a million questions so I thought I would just put it out there, we un-broke up!

Hair Cut Pics!!!

Two pics of my new do and the last one is just because my daughter is adorable.

Back Home

I'm back, I actually got back around 1:30 am on Wednesday but yesterday was spent unpacking, grocery shopping and sleeping. Halloween was fantastic, my race was amazing (you can read about it here), trunk or treating with the kids was a blast, I got to meet my new nephew (adorable) and Luis and I got to party like adults (in which I passed out and came home at 10:00 the next morning).

This is a picture of me, some chick with huge boobs and my brother dressed as a sexy pirate.
And this is a picture of me passed out with my husband's santa costume covering me up.

This is Luis after I was passed out (notice the missing Santa jacket) and our friend Traci.

And this is Luis motorboating my brother's water balloons.

That's pretty much the good stuff from my weekend, I'm still trying to track down pics from my race but I'll probably post those at my other blog.

P.S. I'll be posting again later probably with pics of my new haircut because I am really not loving my hair right now.