Hard Times

Lately, my luck has been less than stellar, much, much less. At times like these I can't help but reflect on what I've done in my life to deserve it. One of the great things that comes with being raised Catholic is even when you renounce your faith, the guilt continues. Catholics very much believe in "an eye for an eye" and "what goes around, comes around." So of course, as a Catholic, when anything bad happens you feel you "deserved" it.

I try to lead a good life, I try to treat people the way I would like to be treated. Lately, I've even tried putting myself in other's shoes before I judge them or their actions. I'm trying to be more forgiving and thoughtful. I try to give more of myself, my time as well as what I have to offer. I'm trying really hard to be a better person.

When things happen like what has happened over the last 2 weeks in my house, I can't help but think, 'I'm not doing good enough.' I feel like I'm being punished for bad things I've done, I know that sounds ridiculous, if someone told me that I would tell them they are crazy, bad stuff happens sometimes, that's life. But I can't seem to shake the guilt, like I need to make amends and this is my penance.

I hope that renewing my vow to be a better person is enough to change my luck because all this bad crap is getting kind of old.

Don't Jinx It!

So, I'm not posting about Susie right now because I don't want to jinx anything, I will say she okay at this point. She did not have pancreatitis like they thought and I will leave it at that until she's better.

I've been staying pretty busy today, trying to keep my mind off of Susie. I have this really great thing I do when I'm worried, I clean everything in sight.

Things I've done today:

1. Pulled everything off the kitchen counters and cleaned them.
2. Cleaned all the nooks and crannies on my kitchen aid mixer.
3. Changed everyone's sheets and washed and folded the dirty ones.
4. Moved all the furniture around and vacuumed under everything.
5. Washed every dish and article of clothing in our house.
6. Mopped the floors.
7. Baked homemade pumpkin bread.
8. Cleaned all the bathrooms.
9. Drank 12 cups of coffee.
10. Picked up every rock I could find in my backyard.

So, pretty eventful day.

This is me ranting!

When I got pregnant at 20 I was excited, we tried for 6 months to get pregnant and wouldn't you know it, the second we stopped trying I got knocked up. The timing sucked a little, I found out when Luis was 2 weeks into a 12 month tour in Iraq, but we came to appreciate the timing, he was gone for the pregnancy but on mid-tour for the birth. Things have a way of working out.

We wanted to have our kids while we were young, we understand the strain the Army puts on a person and Luis knew that he would be "broken" in his old age (physically, not his penis or anything). I liked the idea of being under the age of 40 when my kids graduated from high school but I didn't expect that people would treat me like a moron simply because I was younger than them.

I'm dealing with a situation at Nicholas' school right now where the entire staff talks to me like I'm some dumb teenage mom that doesn't know what I'm doing. I'm not saying all teenage moms are dumb but I'm 27 for god sakes, I'm not a kid.

His principle has twice talked to me like I have no clue what I'm doing with my kid, like she knows better and I don't know my son. It's getting to the point that it's really pissing me off and I might go postal on their Christian asses.

I really can't wait till summer is here and he is out of this stupid school and he'll stop coming home and saying things like, "Jesus loves you" and "Through God all things are possible." I know it's wrong but I hate watching my son get brainwashed by Christians, I've been there and done that and it takes a long time to undo that guilt. This will definitely be the last Christian school my kids go to and the last school that believes in corporal punishment.

Douchebag, party of one.

Okay, I want to start this off by saying that I do not watch The Bachelor nor have I ever watched it or The Bachelorette. I think they are stupid, completely unrealistic and anyone that goes on those shows actually expecting to find love is complete fucking moron.

That being said...

...can you fucking believe what this ass crack Jason did? What a douche.

Now, I think those girls are idiots for being on that show but even a complete idiot doesn't deserve to be embarrassed like that in front of millions of viewers. That poor girl is going to be so damaged from this experience and that douche hole didn't seem to care one bit.

I've only seen the clips on yahoo but at least she walked out of there with some dignity by telling him what an ass he was. Clearly he paid no mind to breaking the poor girl's heart because he just moved right along to the other girl (who is clearly a moron for taking him back) and then kissed her like it was no big deal. You just broke off your engagement, at least act like you care.

From what I hear, there is another show on tonight, I can't wait to read on yahoo what other crap they have to say.

The worst part about this whole thing is that poor confused little boy will probably grow up with the same disregard for other's feelings as his stupid dad.

Check and check.

I got the costume finished for Nicholas' play today, it turned out good considering I've never had a need to make a shepherd's outfit before. I made the head piece entirely too complicated but whatevs, it worked.

I also managed to get one of my two tests taken and I am well on my way to getting a B in western civ and after that, if I so choose, apply for my associates degree, but I haven't decided yet on that one.

The Dish Network guy called me at 6:50 am, can you fucking believe that shit? He is so lucky that I went to bed at 8:30 last night (I'm exhausted because of this liquid diet) and my alarm went off in just 10 minutes so I didn't mind. They're coming out to fix the kid's dish tonight...for the second time in 3 weeks.

I take my last test in the morning and then get my bloodwork done on Sunday and all my shit is taken care of, hell yeah! Monday can't get here soon enough.