Lately, my luck has been less than stellar, much, much less. At times like these I can't help but reflect on what I've done in my life to deserve it. One of the great things that comes with being raised Catholic is even when you renounce your faith, the guilt continues. Catholics very much believe in "an eye for an eye" and "what goes around, comes around." So of course, as a Catholic, when anything bad happens you feel you "deserved" it.
I try to lead a good life, I try to treat people the way I would like to be treated. Lately, I've even tried putting myself in other's shoes before I judge them or their actions. I'm trying to be more forgiving and thoughtful. I try to give more of myself, my time as well as what I have to offer. I'm trying really hard to be a better person.
When things happen like what has happened over the last 2 weeks in my house, I can't help but think, 'I'm not doing good enough.' I feel like I'm being punished for bad things I've done, I know that sounds ridiculous, if someone told me that I would tell them they are crazy, bad stuff happens sometimes, that's life. But I can't seem to shake the guilt, like I need to make amends and this is my penance.
I hope that renewing my vow to be a better person is enough to change my luck because all this bad crap is getting kind of old.
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3 comments:
Ugggh. Lady do I feel you on the Catholic guilt thing even when you've said goodbye to Catholicism. Just hang in there, take deep breaths, and think positive thoughts. Everything will work itself out.
I understand fully and I won't call you crazy for feeling that way. We all must do what we must do - in whichever faith - to cleanse and renew. I hope this helped and that life's road is a little smoother for you. <3
Oh sweetie. I hope that your luck is changing around.
xoxo
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