Woe is me.

Yesterday was the start of the best 3-day celebration of the entire year, the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo Cook Off. Some of you may remember my drunken posts from last year, some of you were there and got to see me acting like a drunken hillbilly. Cook off is the best!

I've had people that thought the rodeo and cook off was just a bunch of dumb Texans riding cows and I've converted them into full believers. The cook off really is my absolute favorite time of year. For Houstonians it's a right of passage, one that I have been partaking in since I can remember.

Until this year, I had only missed the cook off once, I'm what you call hardcore.

I know some of you are thinking, 'what is so great about this cook off?' Well, imagine 3 days of free food, free drinks (and I'm not talking about cheap beer here), tons of other drunk people and carnival rides! It's amazing.

I'm so sad that I can't go this year, honestly I'm scared because I haven't really drank since my surgery but you can bet your ass that next year I'll be there at the top of the giant slide feeling like I'm spinning while I'm standing still and bitching that they didn't let me bring my crown and coke with me on the ride.

A lovely day in the neighborhood.

Today was a fantastic day!

I got my car back yesterday from the dealership, they had it for two days and man, it sucks not having a vehicle. The worst part about them having my car though was that I left my tools in the back and I needed them to install the toddler seat on the back of my bicycle. So, this morning after I took Nicholas to school I got the tools out and finally got the seat on back. Sophia was so excited about going for a ride that she was in the garage "helping" me.

I decided to bust out my 35mm camera that I hadn't used in years and play around taking some pictures, it was a beautiful day and everywhere I looked I saw a beautiful picture. So, I packed up my camera bag, put our helmets on and headed off for an adventure.

We made it to the end of our street and I got a call from Nicholas' school that he wasn't feeling well and needed picked up. So, I turned around, told Sophia that yes, that was indeed the extent of our bike ride, and loaded her in the car to go to Nicholas' school.

We got back home and Luis and Nicholas laid down for naps (Luis went into work at 1:30am) and Sophia and I loaded back up on our bike. We got about half a mile away and I stopped at the creek with my camera to take a picture and wouldn't you know it, the damn battery was dead!

So, I went back to the house to get my wallet and we got back on the bike and headed to the commissary (aka grocery) to pick up some batteries. Finally, I was ready to take some pictures.

I rode around in the old neighborhood behind the commissary and found this wonderful little park with tons of squirrels (which I did not get one picture of) and this amazing old, red, wooden picnic table. I played around with my camera and some black and white film and now I just can't wait to get them developed. I forgot how much more beautiful everything looks through a 35mm lens.

After Sophia played for about an hour and I clicked away with the camera she was ready to leave, so we got back on the bike and rode home. It was just a lovely, carefree day and another way for me to be creative. I'll definitely be posting the pictures when I get them back.

That wasn't just cooking with Emeril.

I've been watching the Food Network a lot lately. I'm trying to expand my dinner ideas and get inspired to create new food dishes.

So, today I was watching Emeril and I was cracking up laughing. First he was moaning as he was smelling the food, then he started talking dirty to it. I couldn't help but wonder if those were the things he says when he and Mrs. Emeril were going at it.

Another funny thing about cooking shows? People cheer and clap at the oddest moments. These people were going nuts when he was adding salt. Seriously? You get that excited over salt?

T minus 37 pounds.

In a few minutes I'm going to try to hurt myself. No, not like that.

I got the idea from my beloved J, she hurt herself last week and I got to listen to her complain about it and it made me think, 'I want to hurt too.'

So, yesterday I went out in search of a workout video. I have Sophia with me during the day so I can't exactly go workout at the gym so I needed a way to workout from my living room, a workout video is just the thing.

I really wanted to find something like the Body Pump class I used to take at Gold's Gym but the selection here sucks so I ended up with some Shape (as in the magazine) video about having a bikini body all year long.

Hahahahahaha!

The only way I'm going to have a bikini body is with the help of some very skilled surgeons and a minimum of $50,000. But I'm going to try to make this video part of my Monday through Friday routine, I'm really trying to get to my first goal before I move to Houston.

I have 37 pounds to go and then I will consider my surgery a success, anything after that is just icing on the cake... a cake that I will not eat.

Inspired.

I used to paint...a long time ago...a long, long time ago. I was actually pretty good, I had a painting in the Museum of Contemporary Art in Houston. It was a gross painting, one that I only did because my art teacher made me but still for an artist to have a painting in a museum is huge. One of my science teachers actually "stole" a piece of my art because he was certain that someday I would be a "big deal."

So, I did what most stupid teenagers do, I graduated and never painted again. I've tried a few times but I just can't seem to be inspired.

Yesterday I felt like painting, I dug through all my crap in the garage looking for my paint and brushes but I couldn't find them. I did find a pouch with a bunch of old brushes, so old I don't have any idea where they came from. I ended up using printmaking ink for paint since none could be found.

The kids laid down for their naps, Luis was at work and I painted. I sat at the table in silence and just painted whatever came to mind. It's not done yet and I don't know if I will be able to make it into anything good but it was nice having a paintbrush in my hand again.

Stating the Obvious.

I know I have been bitching a lot, I know that you guys are probably completely sick of hearing me tell you how much I hate Oklahoma. I don't know why this is affecting me so much, I normally am a "glass half full" kind of person. I try to make lemonade out of rotten lemons but for some reason I just can't stop the pity party here.

Nobody wants to hear me whine all the time, hell, I don't even want to hear me whine. So why can't I stop?

I want to stop bitching and start doing something but I just feel so hopeless. So far I can only muster a few days at a time of not hating my life.

I want to be happy again but I just don't know how to get there.

I'm sorry that I complain so much, I'm going to try to make myself stop. I'm a firm believer in positive thinking and wallowing in your own misery only brings about more misery. So, I have to stop now before I make this any worse for myself.

Grumpy McGrumperton

Last night was awful.

I went to bed at 11 pm and slept soundly until I was woken by abrupt silence at around 2 am. We lost power and the sudden silence startled me. I used my cell phone to find the flashlight and grabbed the kids to put in our room, I knew they would freak out in the pitch dark but before I could grab Sophia she already started to freak.

It's scary not being able to tell the difference when your eyes are opened and closed. The wind throwing things against our windows didn't help to make the situation any less scary either. I lit a candle next to my bed so the kids would see some light and then tried to go back to sleep.

About half and hour later the power came back on so I blew out the candle...then a few minutes later we lost power again...then it came back on...then went back off and this continued until around 7 am. Every time the power went off or on I woke up so needless to say, I'm a little grumpy today.

And to top things off now it's freezing cold and windy outside, just great!

Damn, cost of living.

One major drawback to living in Houston is that everything is more expensive, like way more expensive. I've been filling out paperwork to get my kids in school next year and since Sophia is only 3 I'm going to have to pay for preschool. When I found out how much preschool was going to cost at the school we are sending Nicholas to I about shit a brick.

So, I started looking at other schools and you know what? They are just the same. I could send both of my kids to full day private school here for the same price to send Sophia to full day preschool in Houston.

All I have to say is I better get a good paying job because I'm not going to be able to afford to do anything but take my kids to school. Why can't money just fall out of the sky, huh?

One of those days.

Like I wasn't already pissed enough having to pay my ticket today, now I have a nail in my tire.

Fucking great!

Big News!

So, I've been thinking about whether or not to write this post for a few days now and I decided that you will eventually find out so I might as well share.

As many of you know I've been unhappy here in Oklahoma for awhile now, I hate everyday and if you let me I would stay in bed all day. My husband has been concerned about me and the kids since we moved here but we did what we could to make it bearable here.

When we started discussing school next year for the kids, the cost of sending two kids to private school would leave little else to do with our money. There is nothing to do here but sometimes spending money on crap is the only thing that keeps us sane.

We decided that rather than be broke and unhappy the kids and I should move back to Houston with my parents and maybe I could even get a job finally. So, come summer I'm packing our bags and moving to Houston. Nicholas is going to get to go to school with his cousin, Sophia is going to get to spend more time with her grandma and I get to interact with adults other than my husband and I get to have friends again.

The obvious drawback to this situation is that Luis has to stay here because of his job but we've gone through deployments before and been just fine and at least this time I don't have to worry about him getting blown up. We'll come back up to visit when the kids have off school and he'll come down when he has some time off work but the most important thing is that I will want to start living again instead of staying in bed all day.

A lot of people won't understand this, a lot of people will criticize me for it but it's my life and I have to do what is best for my family. I can't be a good mother when I don't even want to be around and in Houston I will have lots of help from my family so I can get better and start to be me again.

Yeah Trish, we might actually be able to hang out somewhat regularly...and I'll be in town for your wedding!

Best Valentine's Ever!!!!

We decided to do something unorthodox for Valentine's day this year. We normally do nothing but this year my mom was in town and offered to watch the kids so we took advantage of the free babysitting.

Luis and I woke up, put on work out pants, I threw my hair in a ponytail and we both took off our wedding rings...then we drove an hour and a half to Oklahoma City to go rock climbing!

It scared the shit out of me being way up there and having to totally trust him to hold my rope and catch me when I fell but it was also such a great feeling to get to the top of that wall. We had a blast and we're going to take the kids with us next time, they'll love it.

After we were done climbing we went to the mall and walked around holding hands like we were still dating. And as if that wasn't enough my husband got me this...



Talk about a great Valentine's Day.

That's how I roll.

Last night I stayed up for an hour past my bedtime on the phone with my BFF trying to devise an elaborate and painful death for my cell phone come March when I finally get a new one.

My phone was given to me by my cousin in exchange for what was supposed to be money but ended up being 20 bucks and a bar tab. At the time I hated the stupid phone I had just gotten because it was a total wad of shit and my cousin, who buys a new cell phone every two weeks it seems, had her old blackjack that basically, wasn't old at all. She never had problems with it...ever! But as soon as I touched it the stupid thing turned to shit.

This phone will drop my calls for no reason, it only gets reception in my house when I hop on one foot while picking my nose, it receives missed calls 4 days late and it causes other phones to unintentionally call me. I HATE IT!!!!!

So, last night I had this brilliant idea to make a video and spoof Office Space and go out into a field and beat the shit out of my phone with a baseball bat, of course while listening to some hardcore rap music. This conversation then turned into us acting like ninjas and killing the phone with Chinese throwing stars, of course we would need training in the use of Chinese throwing stars so we don't cut our fingers off in the process. It would suck trying to text on my new phone with no fingers.

My husband had the idea this morning that we could set up an interrogation room and torture my phone, slowly removing each of its buttons with tweezers. I want this phone to die a slow and painful death but fantasizing about its death is just making March come even slower.

Who I am.

I am...annoying. I talk too much, I forget what I'm talking about in the middle of a sentence, I forget I've already told you a story and tell you 500 more times.

I am...opinionated. There are certain things if you don't agree with me on then I cannot be your friend. I view this is in a way that if you and I disagree that murder is wrong it would complicate things only I'm not necessarily talking about murder.

I am...vindictive. If you hurt me then chances are I have already figured out a way to hurt you much worse. I don't usually act on this but the urge is always there.

I am...spoiled. I'm used to getting what I want, I don't always get it when I want but I always find a way to get it... but I also work for everything I get.

I am...egotistical. I don't think everyone is equal and I definitely think I am better than some people, I also think some people are better than me.

I am...shameful. No matter how much I try to forget my Catholic upbringing I cannot escape the guilt and shame that comes along with living life.

I am...realistic. I know who I am and I know it isn't all sunshine and roses. The most important thing I have done in the last 5 years is to be honest with myself and figure out who I really am.

Today was never meant to be a good day...

... but this morning I woke up and got on the scale like I normally do and something miraculous happened. I weigh exactly what it says on my driver's license for the first time in 5 years.

Upon stepping off the scale and jumping for joy I remembered why today was not going to be a good day, despite my finally honest license. This morning was Sophia's VCUG, it's a test that mothers dread because they cannot sedate the child and you get to hold them down while they scream.

The test was just as horrible as I expected but I was prepared and managed to not cry (Luis, not so much, that's his little girl). The best part came at the end when the doctor said he saw no reflux and she won't need surgery. We were overjoyed, we took Sophia to get breakfast and then to Walmart to pick her up a toy for being such a big girl, and she was a big girl. I was surprised how well she handled it and so were the nurses and doctor, she was one tough chick.

On my way home from Walmart my day decided to turn again, the asshole cops here decided to set up a speed trap at the bottom of a hill with 5 of them working a rotation. Yay for me, I got a ticket which my husband so wonderfully informed me I deserved since I was speeding after all. Luckily, at that point I chose not to punch him and just drive home.

With the universe wanting to make sure my emotions were completely screwed with today, I checked our bank account and saw a very large some of money there. Yay for taxes, I paid every bill we had and the rest went to savings but I couldn't enjoy this to the fullest because I was still pissed that I got that fucking ticket!

I'm bracing myself for something horrible to happen now...and then something good...and then something bad...and then something good. Maybe the universe will think I've had enough today and just let me be, I guess only time will tell.

Bangin'

I've been running around the idea in my head of getting my hair cut but I kept going back and forth on it. Today I decided that 'yes, I do want a hair cut' so I immediately went to the mall and had it done.



This is the result.

I actually have like a million zits right now and amazingly they didn't show up in this picture, Bare Essentials is awesome!

***Note***

This is actually my second post today, I know it's weird since I don't blog that much anymore.

Writing a post just because I can.

I have nothing brilliant or insightful to say today but who am I kidding, you guys don't come here for brilliant or insightful. I'm actually not sure what you come here for but you do so I'm not complaining.

I have a post that I can't wait to write but I'm waiting for tomorrow or maybe even the next day because then it will actually be true. Until then all I can bring myself to write about is crap that no one really cares about.

I did this 25 random things about me post on facebook a couple of weeks ago and then today ThatChickOverThere tagged me (on facebook, not her super awesome blog that I'm sure you all read) and with my lack of posts lately, I decided to post it on here.

I'm going to recycle some of my answers but some of them don't make sense anymore since I did this on Inauguration Day (I don't know why I capitalized that).

25 Random Things

1. I was engaged at 19, got married at 20 and had a baby at 21. That is seriously young.
2. My biggest regret is that I didn't finish college but I'm working on it now.
3. Sometimes I capitalize words that don't need it and I don't capitalize words that do.
4. I have 3 tattoos, my favorite is the ladybug on my right foot.
5. I can't wait till March when I get a phone upgrade because I HATE my stupid cell phone.
6. Another thing I hate, Oklahoma! I can't wait to be out of this hell hole.
7. Luis and I want nothing more than to move to Colorado, preferably while we are still in the Army.
8. I miss having my own computer dearly, not because I need it but because it was mine and now it is broken :(
9. Sometimes I fantasize about running away and never coming back.
10. I don't like babies, as a woman I think this makes me a little weird.
11. I bite my nails when I'm nervous.
12. I have a secret that I will never tell.
13. Going to Catholic school made me hate Catholics because they are mostly hypocrites.
14. I hope my kids have sex before they are married because if not that is just weird.
15. People will probably think I am a horrible mom for admitting to #14.
16. My husband agrees with me on #14.
17. I think it is important to make mistakes when you are young because if not you make mistakes when you are an adult and there are way more consequences then.
18. My husband seems like an ass to most people but secretly he can be really funny...but he can also be an ass.
19. I dress and act kinda girly but most of the time (except a certain time of the month) I think like a man.
20. If you're my friend and I think you are being stupid I have no problems telling you that.
21. If you're not my friend I will just let you look stupid and not say anything.
22. I used to think people with small dogs were idiots but now I'm an idiot too.
23. I'm fairly certain I will have a mid-life crises and it will involve a red sports car... it may or may not include a hot Swedish guy named Sven.
24. I like to buy things when I am depressed...money can buy happiness!
25. I. Am. A. Robot.

...and then I was stabbed repeatedly.

Yesterday was my first adjustment (fill) for my lap band, I had been looking forward to this for weeks because I haven't been having any of the benefits of lap band since the swelling went down after surgery (and by benefits I mean the full feeling after drinking 1/2 cup of water).


I haven't lost any weight in weeks, I haven't gained any either so I was trying to look at it as the glass half full but it was starting to wear on me. I lost 15 pounds, I didn't have surgery to lose 15 pounds! So, adjustment day was really exciting....until it happened.


The way it works is you go to fluoroscopy and the doctor uses the image to help guide the needle into your access port that it just under the skin. For some reason though he would go in straight and the needle would hit the hard plastic edge of my port, then he'd try again. After a few attempts he decided to forget the fluoroscope and just feel for the port, he did this by pressing on my port ...very, very hard! He still couldn't get it. Finally, after about 15 tries he hit the sweet spot and my poor belly was bleeding everywhere.


When he finally hit it he added more fluid and then they check to see if you can drink some barium and it will go down. Of course, mine did not go down and they had to lay me back down and access my port again (this time it only took 3 tries) and take some fluid back out. My stomach is so sore, not my actual stomach but the area around my port. I took a picture yesterday to show J so I'll just post it and you guys can see my mutilated belly (ignore the stretch marks, I've had 2 kids). It looks worse today because it's all bruised now and the funny thing is that the bruise is a perfect circle, the exact size of my port.

All those tiny dots are where they shoved a 14 gauge needle into me (the line at the bottom is just my scar though).

So, anyway now that I've had my horrific fill hopefully I will start losing weight again and this whole surgery will be worth it. Otherwise I put my life at risk for 15 pounds and that is just stupid.

How I spent my Saturday night...

...glued to iTunes downloading songs to make me happy.

Here's what is now on my iPod.

Adele- Chasing Pavements
Duffy- Mercy
T.I.- Whatever You Like
The Ting Tings- That's Not My Name
Estelle- American Boy
One Republic- Stop and Stare
Ne-Yo- Closer
Usher- Love In This Club
David Archuleta- Crush
M.I.A.- Paper Planes
Sara Bareilles- Love Song
The All-American Rejects- Gives You Hell
Britney Spears- Circus
The Killers- Mr. Brightside
John Mayer- Waiting on the World to Change
Rob Thomas- Streetcorner Symphony

All songs to keep me out of my slump.